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The way we do things in our family.
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And of course balance is essential. Children and teens (well, all of us) need time fordaydreaming, play, socializing, relaxation, projects, and all of life’s other joys.
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I understand that kids put less energy into tasks that don’t seem to have much importance. They recognize that a clean bedroom doesn’t have much effect on our family’s functioning, while they know for sure that cutting and stacking firewood will keep our house warm. Hence, the firewood is right while their rooms are often just short of scandalous.
We’ve never given them an allowance, mostly because we haven’t been able to afford it. Families have counted on children throughout history for work that was reliable and essential. Today we are fortunate that we don’t have to rely on our kids to survive, but we can expect them to contribute. The tasks may not be fun or interesting but they are necessary. They demonstrate to every child that he or she is a valuable contributor to the well-being of the family. And hearing, “Thanks, we couldn’t have done it without you,” feels good too.
I’m pretty sure growing up this way has contributed to how super responsible my kids are now in their teen and young adult years.
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They gladly stop whatever they’re doing to pitch in for an hour or all day when help is needed in the garage or barn or back yard. They are incredibly cAPable people who are far more astute and skilled than I’ll ever be. They can milk cows, fix tractors and cars, cut and bale hay, install plumbing, make meals, diagnose a sick chicken, hang drywall, identify spiders, back up their political opinions, weld, put on a roof, well, you get the idea. Sure, they have busy social lives and enjoy keeping their faces aimed at screens just like everyone else. But they recently spent an entire weekend helping a family member pack, move, and make repairs. They worked hard and displayed nothing but their usual good cheer. After exhg 14 hour days I asked if they’d rather have skipped this particular task. Every one of them affirmed that it was no big deal. And I heard my words come back to me, “It’s just the way we do things in our family.”
